Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Self Love

You Know What They Say About Guys With Small Dogs

Hi babe!

Recently I was having lunch with a girl in NYC (she was assistant producer for 90 Day Fiance, and we had some FUN things to discuss) and she was telling me what it’s like to date in the city. She mentioned that she loves dogs, so seeing a man with one is a big green flag…depending on the SIZE of the dog.

She relayed: “the smaller the dog, the more likely there is a woman in that man’s life to whom the dog belongs.” And as a married woman with a husband over 6ft tall and a huge beard and perfectly quaffed hair, who can FREQUENTLY be seen walking around the Upper East Side with my 8lb yorkie-poo, I can confirm that statement. Lol.

However, after making mention of this conversation on my socials, it actually got me thinking about the MANY conversations I’m having with single women who are growing more and more weary of dating apps, and thus, feeling as if their opportunities to meet men are dwindling. The most common complaint I hear from women in New York, is that they don’t know where to meet men! At least, the kind of men who are looking for something more long-term than a weekend hookup.

I’ve been learning that most women in the city (over 25) are looking for marriage. And most women OVER 30, are struggling to find men who are interested in marriage.

Is it the apps?
Is it their age?

Why is it so hard for women who want to get married, to meet guys looking for the same?

When it comes to millennial women, I’m noticing more and more an attitude of victimhood. “It’s because of men that I am single” is the anthem I keep hearing over and over. And if I’m being honest, I’m bored to death of hearing it. It’s ironic coming from women who are SO about taking charge, to be so trapped in this mentality that completely lacks personal accountability. Especially when I speak to gen Z women who both have better luck with dating AS WELL AS a better attitude about it.

A lot of Millennial women have learned how to thrive in business and their careers by channeling their hyper-masculine energy. And I LOVE a successful working woman. millennial women, in a lot of ways, really paved the way for the success we are seeing of women in society. My business mentor is one of those women, and she makes a TON of money. But that’s far from the most interesting thing about her. She’s also a wife, a mom, a friend, a marathon runner, and a traveler.

I am ALSO a millennial woman who has a multi-million dollar business, and a man, and everything I want. 

And my clients are by and large the same way!

Women CAN have the success in work AND family that they crave.

In order to do that, if you want to have it ALL–as you absolutely can in 2024–you have to be able to be the girl that knows when it’s time to TAKE ACTION (hello, masculine) and when to TRUST + FLOW (feminine). If you want to dive deeper into these energies, I released 2 podcast episodes defining and breaking it all down for you.

The interesting thing is that gen z women are WAY more feminine. They’re leading with their feelings and letting guys pursue them. And most importantly, these girls are taking ownership of how dating is going for them.

So while I think it’s great to know which cutie walking his dog to wink at, if you want to be the strong, independent, FEMININE girlie, it’s allll about positioning yourself to CHOOSE, rather than pursue.

Hyper-masculine women take on all the effort in dating, and then find themselves either chasing guys off–or feeling like their mother.

But you, as the woman, actually set the entire stage for dating. You don’t need to do everything. You need to understand that you already control how it will all play out by how you leverage your energies from the beginning.

Women who are in their HEALTHY feminine (meaning they lead with their natural, biological tendencies,) don’t chase men. They don’t ask men out, and they don’t play the mom in relationships. However, they do CHOOSE men who want to pursue them and build a relationship together.

Yes, we want a healthy masculine man to LEAD the relationship. But he’s not going to if you are taking charge from the start. Setting the stage means telling him from the get-go what you want from him. Do you want the guy who steps up and asks you out…or do you want the childish man who lets you do all the work?

The first move is CRUCIAL for this reason.

And that’s why I say that women set the stage. The way you behave in dating is what tells men their role; specifically in a society that has demonized masculine men. When you are PURSUING, you’re leading with your masculine. And the reason this is a mistake is because, while all humans have both masculine and feminine energy, the actual act of pursuing (ie asking him out) is now treading on BIOLOGY. Which is now a barrier to him feeling connected to you.

So from the start, even if he says yes, you’ve put distance between the two of you that will have to be overcome in order to create a healthy foundation. But you’ve started laying bricks on a premise of BOTH OF YOU self-abandoning and denying your basic genetic chemistry. And while that’s not impossible to change, it does make your relationship unnecessarily hard.

See where I’m going with this?

Relationships have a natural cadance (which I wrote about in a previous article: Becoming the Feminine Girlie) and it’s hard to see an entire generation of women who have been taught that they’re better off on their own, despair in their loneliness.

It’s harder still to see the next generation get married to all the guys that millenials want to date, because gen z is rejecting the toxic narrative that women are better off without (or better than) men.

Baby girl, you GET to have it all: the career, the man, the lifestyle of your dreams. And the narrative that you can’t (or don’t need it all) is just there to keep you down. There are great men out there, praying to meet YOU. Waiting for your meet-cute. And while I started this article with how to spot which guys walking their dogs to flash a smile at–meeting guys over a dog is ACTUALLY such a power move for women.

Think about it: if you’re out walking your own little furry buddy, it’s a no-lose approach! First of all, you’re more likely to meet during the day, when the sun is shining–electrifying you with endorphins–and the air is fresh. Plus it’s public and SAFE! So the intentions are (generally) much more wholesome than a 3am party.

Second, you usually walk your dog by yourself, right? Did you know it’s MUCH easier (and more likely) that a man will strike up a conversation with you when you’re by yourself than when you’re with a group of your girlfriends? I know it’s usually more fun to go out with the ladies–but constantly being surrounded by your friends creates an unnecessary barrier. Even when I would go out with the girls, I would find reasons to venture away from the group if there was a cutie I wanted to meet, because I know men are less likely to approach a group.

I asked my husband why this is the case, btw, and he said: “because when you approach a group, the chances are high that the loudest girls will be the first to engage you; and if that alpha female isn’t the one you wanted to meet, you’ll be stuck with her and cock-blocked from the other girl.”

Which I found both interesting and hilarious. Food for thought.

The third and final reason why having a dog is one of the BEST ways to meet a man in 2024, is because in light of the #metoo movement, men ARE being more cautious about what they say to women and meeting them. Especially in big cities like NYC or LA or DC, working men are being more intentional about what they say and even complimenting women. So when you’re out there with your pup, and a man says “hey cute dog,” you need to know that he’s hitting on you, lol. But he’s doing it indirectly to open the doorway to conversation that is non-aggressive.

Now it’s LIKELY the case that he really does think your dog is cute. But he’s only saying it out loud to gage if you’re interested in opening a conversation. And it’s a disarming way to pay you a compliment that isn’t physical.

Other great ways to meet men in the city are:
Joining clubs/memberships/teams
New hobbies (pickleball is all the rage these days and a surefire way to meet TONS of people)
Asking friends to meet their friends
Attending local events (that genuinely interest you!) regularly

The truth is–there are a million (at least) quality guys out there for you to meet, get to know, and date. You don’t want to miss out on them because your cynicism is driving them away, or because you just WON’T put yourself out there like you need to. I hope this helps guide you to better quality meetings and making the most of them!

Feel free to ask me questions: livtalley@thesealeddeal.com

Xo,
Liv

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