Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Attraction Self Love

Why you can’t find good people to date

As a professional dating consultant, the number one problem I hear from the single community about WHY they’re single is, “I’m just not meeting anyone.” And in a digital age where MILLIONS of people are available to you at the swipe of a finger, it begs the question: why can’t you find someone date?

Are all the good ones really taken?

The short answer, is no. Of course not. YOU are a good one, and if you’re not taken–then they can’t all be! Right?

So what’s the problem? If you’re such a catch, why aren’t OTHER catches seeing you, pursuing you, and building a happy and fulfilling relationship with you?

Here’s a secret: there are amazing people all around you who you’re actually filtering out of your awareness because you’re not living in integrity with what you really want.

And I know that when I say that, you’re initial reaction may be “who are you to tell me I’m not a person with integrity!” But here’s the thing, integrity simply means acting in honor of what you want. Most people say they want to have something or do something, yet they act contrary.

It’s like, when you set a New Year’s resolution to cut out sugar, and then go to Crumbl every week. It doesn’t make you a bad person that you still eat treats–it just means you aren’t acting in alignment with your desire, and thus you don’t get the outcomes of losing weight or feeling better.

There are goals we all fail to live up to; so no need to be self-critical here. Rather, I want to invite you to be HONEST with yourself.

When you’re ready to welcome that next chapter of your life and meet someone special, you need to take a vulnerable and realistic look at your actions in the present moment. If you WANT to meet someone right now, but you aren’t, you have the power to change that at any moment. And I’m going to walk you through EXACTLY how to take a proper inventory to make the RIGHT changes…and get the love you dream about!

HOW TO CREATE INTEGRITY IN YOUR GOAL TO MEET THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE
  1. Alignment with BEING who you want to be
    The main reason your brain is “filtering” out the right kinds of people for you, is because you’re not fully showing up as the person you want to be inside your aligned marriage.This could look like personal development shifts you KNOW you need to make (like self-acceptance, personal forgiveness, awareness of traumas or patterns that cause you to be self-descriptive, or lacking relationship skills.

    If you want to MAINTAIN a healthy, fulfilling relationship that lasts, you need to be adept at navigating conflict in a way that breeds intimacy, the ability to trust yourself and others, and a clear vision for your life in the long-run that you are deeply committed to creating–first on your own, and then expanding it with someone else!

    ITS OKAY IF YOU DON’T HAVE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS. There have never been classes in school that teach you how to be vulnerable and trust someone with your scars in a way that guides you to healing. But it IS your responsibility to learn these things now.

    Relationship skills you need to develop are: CLARITY on your values and vision for your life, conflict resolution, commitment, and nurturing your relationship in a way that it BECOMES the love of your life!

    Work on clearing up your toxic traits so you can GROW with someone that you can vulnerably share yourself with, day after day. Year after year.

  2. Alignment with DOING what you want to do
    I see a LOT of singles who have more or less put their lives on “hold” until they get married.People wait to travel, to invest in their futures, or are otherwise just wasting their own time acting like Peter Pan until they find that perfect person who suddenly “frees” them from their childish ways and makes them want to be better. Sorry, but BARF. No one worth marrying wants to save you from your own boring or immature lifestyle.

    Find your passions. Get off the conveyor belt of life and forge your own trail. Try new things. Visit new cultures. Develop your talents.

    And then, learn how to GET PAID to do what you love most! A spouse and kids are not an escape from a life/job that make you miserable.

    Start being happy and loving your day-to-day right now. And if you don’t know how, give yourself permission to explore. Do something out of your routine and see where that path takes you.

    Book a plane ticket somewhere you’ve never been. Get in your car and drive to a new city or a new state. Just taking a break from your current, familiar lifestyle will help open you up and broaden your perspective.

    You get to thrive in ALL areas of your life–and the more you love what you fill your days with, the more sexy you are to OTHERS who live in daily gratitude and fulfillment.

  3. Alignment in LIVING where you want to be
    Okay here’s the doozy: if you REALLY want to be exactly where you are forever–you will inevitably meet someone there. When I was living and dating in Utah, I was fully out of integrity with what I wanted, because I wanted more than anything to live anywhere else and to NEVER have to step foot in Utah again. Yet, I was living there, dating there, and unhappy with my options. Because I believed, as an LDS Christian, that Utah was THE place to find an LDS husband. The problem was that I was focused on QUANTITY, not QUALITY.When I got honest with myself, I asked myself where I DID want to live. Where could I go where I didn’t feel like I had to water down my personality to “catch a man”? I looked at my passions and hobbies and interests ambitions, to eventually decide that DC seemed like the place that fit me, best.

    Little did I know, that just SIX MONTHS before I made that choice, the man I would eventually marry did *exactly* the same inventory of his own life, and landed on DC as well. We were both there for less than a year before we started dating…

    We LITERALLY were drawn to each other by making the HARD choice to move from where it was EASY to live (with lots of available singles to date) to a place where neither of us had ever been before–just because it was more aligned with our goals!

    People move in and out of places DAILY. The right person for you could have just moved to your area and redownloaded the dating apps for the first time in years and swiped on you. (BTW that is a real situation I’ve seen happen…multiple times.)

  4. Alignment with ASKING FOR what you want to have
    No one is going to give you what you want if you don’t have the courage to ask for it. Even if you believe in a higher power like God, the Universe, Quantum Physics, or your higher-self — the one thing all of these powers have in common is the requirement of YOU to ask for what it is that you truly want from within.

    Not to ask for permission, or to settle with what’s available, but to get honest with what’s in front of you and decide if it really expands you. And that includes the people you date!

    If you aren’t excited about your matches, it’s time to confront what you’re asking for. Are your standards lower than you really want them to be? Do you have trouble BELIEVING what you want exists (or that you get to have it if it did)? Are you finding reasons to settle?

    Or on the other side–are your expectations SO HIGH that no one can live up to them? HINT: if this is you, this is a defense mechanism and you need to start asking yourself why you think you “need” someone perfect in order to be happy….

 

So tell me, HONESTLY, which of these 3 are you struggling with?
Where are you going to start making changes today?

And most importantly: DO YOU NEED HELP?!

Coming soon, I’m launching an OFFICIAL MATCHMAKING SERVICE to my business that will fill in the gaps between these questions and your forever person!

The details will be released in the coming weeks, but if you want to get in on the ground floor of this service, send me an email with your name, age, location and IG handle. If you’re a good fit for our new service, I’ll send a follow up (FREE) application…

Cheers to your happily ever after, boo.

XO.
Liv

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