Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Self Love

The Lost Role of the Wealthy Woman

Hi Wealthy Woman<3

If you follow me on social media, you may have noticed a rather dramatic shift in my messaging recently. Specifically, I’ve started throwing my coaching support towards wealthy, single women over the age of 30. Not because I don’t love working with men or haven’t loved the LDS singles, but because I think the role of women in love has become a paradox.

And I don’t think anyone has a harder journey ahead of them than wealthy women over 30…

Not to create victims of these INCREDIBLE women–I don’t believe that at all–but to hold space for them like I just don’t see anyone else doing. So let’s take a look at WHY I see these women struggling more than anyone else.

In general, high-performing individuals (men and women alike) actually take rejection HARDER than non-high performers. (I need a good term for these types of people that isn’t calling them mediocre. Settlers? Lol I don’t have one that’s not offensive, sorry.) But the truth is there are people in the world who won’t stop until they get what they want, and there are people who will. Maybe I’ll call the non-high performers “stoppers.”

Okay so the REASON high-performers take rejection harder than “stoppers” is because high-performers base their sense of value on their ability to succeed. In other words: they have really high self-esteem. And this may sound harsh, but people with low self-esteem actually take rejection better because they’re USED to not getting what they want.

High-performers are risk takers. They’re MORE LIKELY to pursue someone out of their league and are devastated if it doesn’t work out, since their whole identity is accomplishing challenging tasks.

High-performers are also offering a lot more by way of accomplishments, so getting burned feels more confusing, and is taken very personally.

Picture this: you are in your 30’s, attractive, own a home, have a SOLID career or business, and make good money. By all measures, you’re a catch! And the thing is, most wealthy women completely internalize rejection to mean they FAILED. They see girls at 20 years old get married and think they’re doing something wrong.

Have YOU felt that?

If you have, I want you to give yourself a lil hug from me and take a deep breath. The truth is, it’s not your fault that you’re caught in this dynamic that men both told you they wanted, and simultaneously tell you they don’t want.

So being an online business owner, I see all the trends on social media. And right now, I am seeing this HUGE wave of both men and women rejecting hustle culture and calling for a return to homemaking. Both men and women are now demonizing the working woman, but at the same time, if you’re a woman and you tell the men you date that you don’t really care about investing in a career because you just want to be a mom and a homemaker…they’re going to tell you that they want to date someone with more ambition.

SPEAKING FROM EXPERIENCE.

Basically until I was 26, I was dating in arguably the most traditional culture that still exists in 2023: Utah Valley. And I can’t even tell you how many men DID NOT want to marry me because I didn’t have a degree. Which was made infinitely more frustrating because they were SO happy to marry girls who were at BYU getting a degree that, in their own words, they had “no intention of doing anything with because they were just going to be a SAHM.”

Which is absolutely NO SHADE to those girls. Rather, I just want to highlight the paradox that has been created for women trying to date in 2023.

First, women were too oppressed by staying home so we created the EXPECTATION for women to have careers.
But if you have a career, you must not want to be a mom.
But if you’re a mom, you must not be ambitious.
But if you’re too ambitious, you must not be “wife” material.
But if you’re not wife material, it your own fault because you should have got married at 19 and been a homemaker.

CUE THE WORLD’S BIGGEST EYE-ROLL…

Not to mention how expensive it is to live, and how nearly impossible it is to be a single-income home, unless the one working is making over $400,000 annually.

Personally, I like my business. I like working. In fact, I LOVE getting to help singles get married, and I don’t see myself giving up my business when my husband and I have kids. That doesn’t make me anti-children, lol. And honestly, why are we SO STUCK on this notion of “either or”? Either you’re a career woman, OR you want to be a mom. Either you want to be a homemaker OR you’re ambitious.

Personally, I’m so over the limitations surrounding the roles of women.

I’m a million-dollar business owner AND I plan to be a kick-ass mom. Now truthfully, I don’t ever envision myself as a homemaker because I don’t cook (luckily for me, my husband loves to and is sooo good at it,) and I kill plants and I have gotten used to paying other people to clean for me. AND that won’t make me less of a mom or business owner…

You get to be as multi-dimensional and wealthy and successful, and nesting, and baby-hungry as YOU want to be. Because if you’re trying to “win” a man by getting a degree or not getting a degree: it’s a losing battle.

But I’m going to let you in on a little secret: you don’t WIN men. And you can’t win in this society. You’re always going to be too little or too much to make everyone happy. So you just need to worry about being happy.

Here’s another secret: you WILL be happier when you’re married than when you’re single–but only if you do it on YOUR terms.

If you want a career or a degree, do it. If you want to be a mom, do it. If you wanna do both, DO IT. And learn how to do it on your terms…

I have this client right now, she’s a wealthy, high-performing woman. She’s intelligent and charismatic and a lawyer. We’ve been working together on relationship skills and she has learned to develop her confidence and conflict resolution. And the reason we started working together is because she has this incredibly high self-esteem…but like I mentioned earlier, dating has been really difficult for her.

She has ALL these incredible achievements, but didn’t believe that she would be loved for HER.

And that’s the problem we’ve created in our society. We cheer people on for what they accomplish based on what’s socially acceptable at the time–and that is constantly changing. We’re not celebrating people for following the path that THEY want, based on who they choose to be.

This isn’t about everyone getting a trophy just for trying–but it IS about acknowledging that we’re constantly moving the goalpost, especially for women, and we’re seeing how much that’s negatively impacting romantic relationships and marriage.

So if you’re a woman TRYING to do “everything right” by other people’s standards, just know that you don’t have to. You aren’t an island, you aren’t meant to do it alone.

You’re meant to do what makes you feel ALIVE, and creative, and excited, and supported, and loved.

You’re meant to have a community AND A PARTNER. And I know that can feel impossible, or unnecessary, but I’m telling you–again–that’s what SOCIETY is telling you. Or maybe your past experiences, or your own insecurities have convinced you that’s true.

But you’re meant for more than anyone has told you. You’re meant to be loved for everything you do and accomplish AND for simply who you are independent of the achievements. You’re meant for partnership–divinely aligned partnership.

To show you all of this that you’re CREATED for, I have designed a year-long, Wealthy Women’s Group where we focus specifically on:

  1. BRANDING YOURSELF — self-image, how you present yourself externally, is SO important when it comes to how you feel. In this group, we’ll dive into your *essence* and the colors/style/look that captures that! And even better? I’m arranging a photoshoot for you to show off your new brand! Use it for headshots, for your dating profile, your business, or just to have pictures to post that YOU feel really good about.
  2. BUILDING YOUR CONFIDENCE FROM THE INSIDE OUT — you have the high self-esteem, the degree or title or business, and you are flourishing in your professional life. Now it’s time to bloom in your personal life, too. To show YOU to the people you meet and the guys you date (or the man you’ve married). This group is space for what’s underneath to come to the surface and BE LOVED
  3. DEVELOPING RELATIONSHIPS — whether you are single or in a committed relationship, you get to thrive inside your connections. In the women’s group, you’ll build and strengthen relationships with other high-performing women (your new girl tribe) and you’ll learn about basic relationship skills and showing up as you in a way that is raw and vulnerable. When you allow yourself to REALLY be seen, you become a magnet for genuine bonds that go deep and last…

If that sounds like the place for you–if you want to start the year with a DECISION BOARD (like a vision board but freaking better) and end the year with friendships and memories and confidence that will last a lifetime: you can learn more by clicking HERE!

Can’t wait to help you make 2024 YOUR YEAR:)

Xo,
Liv

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