Liv TAs a dating coach & matchmaker (and technically being a “Mormon wife”) I have been thinking a LOT about this upcoming season of The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Understandably, as there’s been an excess in hype around controversial influencer Taylor Frankie Paul (TFP) being cast, and what it means for the franchise.
While many would argue (myself included) that overall, The Bachelor Nation series has grown a bit stale/formulaic, the one illusion that still remains is: love can be found on tv…
And as unconventional as the show was for its time, it has made its mark on American culture. I must admit that I was first introduced to the series during Emily’s season, where there was all drama around the fact that she was the first single mom on the show. Remember?
But at its core, it was a fun glimpse into normal, unknown people looking for their significant other. Over the years, it has become evident that people would come onto the show for clout or (in the infamous words) the “wrong reasons”. And historically, those individuals were qualified as the villians. Because the audience still believes in love.
So what does it say that the franchise cast an influencer with over 7 MILLION followers across her multiple social media platforms to be the next Bachelorette?
In my view…it means they’re finally admitting the show is a game
And they’re not putting on airs pretending otherwise.
Yes, TFP deserves love. I sincerely hope she finds someone wonderful! But is The Bachelorette the right stage for a rising starlette?
I don’t think so; and I suspect Bachelor Nation feels the same. Now, as a coach, I will say I have worked with singles with ALL KINDS of histories turn things around and welcome the greatest, most healthy love they’ve ever had. I’ve worked with women who stepped out of abusive relationships and into a deeply compassionate & loving marriage. My clients have been through multiple divorces to find the relationship that finally lasts. I’ve even seen singles who have NEVER had a relationship welcome their first.
I LOVE love stories. I love seeing people triumph over their past and welcome a bright new future. But I also see how hard people work to transform their patterns into something better. And obviously I don’t know what TFP does behind the cameras, but I did watch the first 3 seasons of SLOMW and the entire time, it was chaos.
Which is what reality tv is, and I understand that. But dating shows have an objective: love. And even more than that, Bachelor has the goal of marriage. Obviously as a matchmaker who shares the same goal for my clients, I vibe with the shows that promote it.
Over the years though, it has felt like Bachelor is drifting further from it’s purpose. Ever since the rise of influencers, you can tell more and more contestants apply for the show for clout. However I feel like it’s been possible to ignore the sinister side and stay naive.
Until this new season. Why would BN choose someone outside the franchise to be their bachelorette if NOT to revive the show? Views have been declining, and in my opinion they have pulled some desperate moves to try to breathe life back into the series. But the moves were always at least consistent with the brand.
Then they cast someone unconnected to the series…
Paul is GREAT advertising, but not on brand
The buzz has worked. People are fired up about TFP being on this new season. She is a sensation! And she’s having her moment. So the casting–for the purpose of generating attention for The Bachelorette–has been effective.
I can’t deny TFP is a savvy marketer; the girl knows how to be seen. It’s impressive how famous she has been able to make herself through virality.
But does Bachelor need an influencer?
From a business standpoint, I can see the logic: here’s a single, beautiful woman who it seems like everyone is talking about. 7M followers is a LOT of people. She’s being given opportunities to host CMA, attend events, brand deals, etc. People who have never heard of “Mormons” are talking about her.
So it makes sense that they’d invite her to come bring her audience to the show. On its face.
And while TFP has plenty of fans who love her because she “keeps it real”, I think we also need to be honest that she is chaotic. She DID plead guilty to the aggravated assault charge, and police reports indicated that during a dispute, Paul threw items, including a metal barstool, which allegedly struck her 5-year-old daughter.
Though the charge was held in abeyance, pending complies with the conditions of her 36-month probation—which includes not violating any laws, supervised probation, and attending treatment—the charge will be reduced from a felony to a Class A misdemeanor, with a review date set for August 2026.
However, The Draper City Police Department is now actively investigating an additional alleged domestic incident involving Paul and Mortensen.
People are not perfect. We all have histories and difficulties to deal with…
But this consistent behavior is troubling to me; personally, I don’t think she needs to be on more tv shows, I think she needs real help.
And that’s okay! It’s fine that she isn’t in a good place, mentally. It’s okay that she is figuring some really hard things out. It’s okay that she needs help.
But is that fair to the men of The Bachelorette to introduce them to someone who is conveying every indicator that she is not in a position for a marriage?
I don’t think so. The whole premise is that the person who is chosen to be Bachelor/Bachelorette is really seeking their forever partner & wants to make a serious commitment of marriage.
To me, that is NOT the message I see from TFP…
And will her audience even keep watching Bachelor when she isn’t on the show anymore? I don’t suspect they will, because they are HER audience. They are interested in her; and I don’t think they’ll convert to become BN fans just because she was on it. Unless they plan to integrate her into BIP and host another season of that–and maybe they will.
Who knows?
If the roles were reversed
Not to be “that person,” but I also believe that if they cast a man to be bachelor who is not only ACTIVELY on probation, but also had 3 kids with 2 different moms, and cheated on his ex wife, the entire internet would have revolted.
But TFP gets a pass because she’s a woman? That doesn’t sit right with me–especially since her daughter was allegedly struck during the assault by her mom.
I’m all about a redemption story…and I don’t want to imply that Paul is in any way beyond saving. I wholeheartedly believe she can change and live a better life. And I hope she does!
But giving her 30 men just for her to go back to Dakota tells me that she was not the choice for Bachelorette. (Which btw is another reason why I think it’s weird to have chosen such a public figure to be the Bachelorette who also filmed an entire season of another series where we know without even watching Bach that she doesn’t end up with any of the men.)
LIKE….
Right?
I know many of the couples that make it to the altar don’t last, but we do have Joey & Kelsey, Charity & Dotun, Zach & Kaity, Arie & Lauren, and a decent amount of BIP couples!
And part of the fun of Bachelor/Bachelorette is that you want to guess who things work out with!
We don’t even need to watch this season to know TFP doesn’t end up with anyone from this season. Obviously because it hasn’t aired yet and we are getting the live updates from all the drama with her & Dakota. And she was spotted at a matchmaking event in SLC just last week…
So then it comes back to: this Bachelorette season isn’t about love. It’s just about entertainment. Is that what we’re settling for?
Are we as a society SO disheartened that we refuse to even be hopeful about a silly little show?
I think the casting really speaks to an overall cynicism that has taken hold of singles in America.
There’s a palpable narrative of “well if I haven’t found love, I hope others don’t either”. It’s headlines in Vogue, and Newsweek that makes a concerted effort to “other” couples. Media has actively begun championing singlehood > relationships; and to me, this season of The Bachelorette is the nail in that coffin.
But I’m pushing back…
Love is EVERYWHERE. People want it as much now as they ever have! Because it’s an innate human need. You cannot “evolve” beyond needing connection.
I’ve been reading a book called “The History of Human Marriage” that discusses how marriage as an exclusive, monogamous union has existed in every culture (at least with written history) since the beginning of humanity.
Union–specifically romantic union–is built into our DNA. The basic human need for a romantic partner is called The Biological Imperative and it is the fundamental, innate drive we have to survive and reproduce. It operates as an unconscious mechanism that guides organisms toward life-affirming actions—such as seeking food and safety—and away from threats, ensuring both individual survival and species continuation.
You cannot be “independent enough” to no longer need to expand the human race. That quite literally goes against your nature.
So why are we been inundated with anti-relationship media?
That’s a great question that I don’t have the answer for, unfortunately. Maybe you do? I’d love to hear your theories!
But what I can answer, is that love is waiting for YOU
It’s waiting for TFP. It’s waiting for everyone, all the time! No one is so broken, so successful, or so cynical that they no longer get to have love.
You ARE love. It exists as part of you. It’s a frequency. Love has even been shown to heal physical wounds (in addition to emotional ones.)
AND
It’s okay not to be ready for love. Being able to admit that you aren’t in a place to give & receive love in the way you (and another person) need, is emotional intelligence. It’s responsibility & accountability.
Relationships take work. They force you to face yourself and your deepest, darkest demons. The best relationships reveal the parts of you that you fear make you unlovable. And they prove you wrong.
I hope with my whole heart that she does find that kind of love. I hope that for every human that has ever existed. I hope it for YOU.
And I would be so glad to help you find the path towards welcoming it. Starting today.
Either as a matchmaker, or as a coach–I have trained extensively to help anyone who CHOOSES to let love find them.
You can reach out to me for help by email: livtalley@thesealeddeal.com or you can apply directly for 1:1 help or matchmaking services by filling out this no-string-attached form and scheduling a consultation.
