Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN


Nice Guys Finish Last (And Why You Should Let Them)

How many times have you heard (or even said,) “I just want to meet someone nice”?

You’ve been hit on by some dude at Vasa, or rejected by a girl at The Village, and who can blame you? We ALL want to be treated well.

But it turns out, nice people may ACTUALLY be the worst partners.

“Nice” people are often well-liked diplomats.

Being liked isn’t a bad thing, of course. However, the issue tends to arise that it’s more important for this type of person to be liked than it is for them to take a stance.

Whether that be on an issue that others may disagree on, or stand by your side when you may be at odds with someone else, or you’re just looking for support.

The problem is they tend to have no loyalties. Not to their convictions, and not to you. 

Appeasing everyone in the room by being nice is their #1 priority. This kind of thing is not malicious, but it definitely can be evidence of their lack of backbone.

Loyalty is a trait that may not always be nice, but it is infinitely more valuable.

Beware the facade.

Did you know overwhelmingly, niceness is perceived as surface-level interactions? Which means being nice doesn’t necessarily someone a good person, it just means they are good at presenting themselves in a way that is pleasing to others.

Which can easily be confused for being kind. 

Just because someone is nice to your face, doesn’t mean they prioritize you. It doesn’t mean they will go out of their way to serve, care for, and love you.

Your shallow interactions with them may be pleasant, but “nice” people tend to be non-confrontational. Which means that they may not be the type of partner who will be tender to you, and ALSO challenge you to be better. In fact, they tend to shy away from hard conversations. That can leave you feeling exposed when you try to be vulnerable, only to see them fleeing the situation.

Additionally, niceness is easily faked, so try to look beyond the bubbly facade. See if they can also be vulnerable with you–if they are willing to sacrifice being liked for being real.

Look at who they are by what they do, not what they say.

Compliments, smiles, and being fun are all a warmness that elicits positive responses. That’s why nice people tend to be popular.

But does being complimentary equate kindness?

People talk all day long. You have so many words and phrases hitting your ears all the time. Maybe EVERYONE and their dog told you today that you look lovely, but did any of them offer to open your door as you walked in?

Niceties are typically words that will give you a temporary boost. Whereas someone who is truly kind will consistently help you feel loved.

Being nice is an art, but being kind is at the core of who someone is. Eventually, the niceness will wear or you’ll get bored. Kindness, however, goes on forever.

And wouldn’t you rather have sincerity than flattery?

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