Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

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Low Investment: High Expectations

Dating is a necessary evil that you’re told one day will be worth it.

So you swipe on Mutual, go-to dessert nights, have a membership at Vasa, and do all the things that you hope will lead to meeting your special someone.

The real question is though: why does it s*ck so bad?

Some will argue communication is lacking, others blame social media, or the “game”…but there is one, very real, very basic summation of the true problem in modern dating:

Minimal effort is coupled with high expectations.

How many times has someone taken you on a nice date, and then EXPECTED you to be physical with them after?

(As if taking someone to dinner and acting civilized and paying the bill entitles them to some dragon hunting later…)

           **You’re not a dog, so you don’t just get a treat for doing something good. Unless you’d like a plaque that says “congratulations, you acted like an actual human being.”**

Or maybe you’ve started dating a person who just stops investing in you. Yet still expects the same amount of intimacy. Like, once you level up to “commitment,” it’s no longer in their best interest to work to keep you.

Feelings can disappear as easily as they come. Don’t think you can’t lose someone faster than you got them.

A relationship is like a garden–if you stop taking care of it, it dies.

Investment is a choice that people have to make every. single. day.

If you aren’t choosing to prioritize your partner, don’t be surprised when they don’t choose you anymore.

Trust, intimacy, vulnerability, commitment. These are all things that have to be earned and cared for consistently.

Timing/pace can vary by person and relationship. But the higher the investment, the greater the return.

Unfortunately, we live in a time of instant gratification.

So if one person doesn’t want to break the honor code with you after one date, you start swiping right to find some 18-year old that might. Because HEAVEN FORBID you actually build trust with someone before they are comfortable being affectionate towards you.

Stop expecting more than you’re giving.

And give love more.

If you want to show someone that you care about them and you want them in your life, act like it. Make them see that they are the greatest thing that ever happened to you.

The more investment you make in them, the more they will want to invest in you.

Investment and commitment are a two-way street.

It’s important to value relationships that offer both, and walk away from ones that don’t.

Be the partner that serves, that improves. Work every day to be your best self, and don’t settle for someone who doesn’t do the same.

Communicate your needs, (your love languages) and listen to your those of your partner. Do what you can to ensure they are being met, and don’t be afraid to vocalize when yours aren’t.

Love and relationships are a mess because no one can be bothered to actually work and wait for them.

It’s time to break the cycle.

You may recognize these actions coming from your partner. If you do, it’s okay (and even important) to address it to try to fix the behavior, or walk away.

People will treat you how you let them. So know what your worth is and don’t waste time with partners who don’t see it.

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