Something you tend to do in dating is try to change people.
Or you hope that if you’re the “right person,” they will CHOOSE to change for you.
A LOT of people do this, so you’re not alone. It’s so so common to romanticize
If someone is treating you poorly, that is a clear indicator of their pattern of behavior. Chances are, the way they are treating you, is EXACTLY how they treated the person before you…and it’s how they will continue to treat people after you until THEY decide they want something different.`
Unfortunately, if someone doesn’t want to get married while you’re dating them, they’re the WRONG person for you. It won’t matter how well you treat them, how beautiful or accomplished or kind you are.
We are all driven by our motivations. Thus, if someone isn’t motivated to get married, you’ll see that in the way they date you. (Or don’t.)
If they are unsure about you…
If you aren’t having your needs met…
If you’re getting mixed signals…
It usually actually has absolutely nothing to do with who you are as a person–rather, it’s a manifestation of their current goal.
Which doesn’t make them a bad person! Everyone doesn’t have to get married right now. Great people with good hearts can have other priorities.
That’s the importance of being conscious of your own–it will influence your success in dating. For example, if you don’t really care about getting married right now, and you are focusing instead on meeting a lot of people, your career, traveling, school, etc., and you’re going out with someone who DOES want to get married, you’re likely going to feel suffocated by them.
On the flip side, if you want to get married, and you keep dating people who aren’t motivated by that, you’re going to think “all I ever date is players.”
Which is the significance of identifying people with your same motivations.
I have been working for YEARS to understand why I tend to date a certain type of guy.
From books, to podcasts, to classes, to coaches and mentors…I’ve invested so much time and money attempting to conceptualize the why, I could have paid for my own wedding by now.
It has been an obsession of mine for almost a decade.
H*ck, I even started an ENTIRE BUSINESS to get a handle on understanding patterns.
Because I was internalizing external behaviors from other people, and projecting it back onto myself. And at the same time, I was neglecting to see what my own behaviors were attracting to me.
So I got caught in a cycle.
Do you know what I mean?
I’m a firm believer that you can only know another person as well as you know yourself. Which would follow that you can only identify motivations in another, after you really know your own.
The person I was at 18 said “yes” to every first date and chased after men because she didn’t know what she wanted.
Now I know exactly what I want, and I know WHO can offer it to me.
That knowledge empowers me to turn down first dates. To walk away from someone that I have an absolute electric connection with, if he doesn’t share my motivation.
The best thing becoming a dating coach has brought me, is the ability to walk away.
I can teach you in 6 weeks what I spent years learning.
Once you’re done wasting time, dating people who don’t value you, and you want to expedite the process to finding the RIGHT person quicker, check out my program.
I spent months condensing my experiences and journey into an online program that will shift your mindset and help you learn your own patterns–and more importantly, it gives you the tools to correct them.
If you don’t know the relief that comes from being able to walk away from a good option, who can’t meet your needs, for a great option who CAN, you’re still dating wrong…
You don’t need to change anyone, except yourself.
Honestly, what are you waiting for?
Life is short enough with the person you eventually end up with. Why waste time with someone you won’t?