Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Attraction

If You Want to Land the Man: Date like a LADY

Girl its 2024– time to land the man by learning how to date like a LADY

There is a cadence to building a relationship that is physiological. Meaning, there’s a literal SCIENTIFIC FORMULA for love. And while that might sound as unromantic as spending a date night filing joint taxes–it works. Just like couples that file joint taxes together;)

Which means, if you follow this process, it can work for YOU! Because this process is backed by nature and biology. This works as it honors both yours and his divine energies, and holds space for the dance that is LEARNING love.

This formula has nothing to do with antiquated courtship “rules” or outdated rituals. And although this may be offensive to some, it DOES outline gender roles. (But not as society has constructed them…rather as nature has.) This has nothing to do with staying home or careers or money or silly political paradigms.

There has to be balance in all things, and relationship dynamics are no exception. The reason FEMININE is associated with women, is both because estrogen is a woman’s dominating hormone (which is necessary to conceive–or in other words, to CREATE life) and because YES, because she has a vagina. Feminine = receiving.

Now OBVIOUSLY feminine energy is not exclusive to/for women. Men also have feminine energy! But as a woman, and specifically in regards to relationship dynamics, it is your LEAD energy.

Now let’s break down HOW to make your feminine your lead energy, and what it means to DATE LIKE A LADY…

Lead with your feminine —

You don’t have to control everything, and as the woman, your job is to CHOOSE the guy, and then let him make the first move.

I know it feels empowering and all “yas queen, girl power” to take charge and to ask him out, or to move things along at the pace YOU want, but that actually triggers BOTH of your opposing energies. And usually (okay not always) but USUALLY this sets the stage for the rest of your relationship.

Did you know women are the ones leading in ASKING for divorce?
Did you know the #1 reason they site for grounds for divorce is feeling like their husbands act like another child instead of a partner?

When it comes to building a relationship where both of you THRIVE, it’s important to nurture space for your opposing lead energies to come together and flourish. If you are stepping into the masculine role from the beginning, it becomes increasingly difficult over time to change that dynamic. The more you OVER extend yourself for the sake of the relationship, the more burn out you’re going to feel, and the more infantilized HE is going to feel.

This creates a power-struggle. Now he is conflicted because he wants to make you happy, and he thinks that being in charge makes you happy (contrary to popular belief, it’s NOT because he’s “lazy”), yet he also wants to feel like he is masculine. He’s now in this inner conflict, and struggles with how to connect to you.

And at the same time, YOU are taking on all the responsibility of doing everything yourself, and you WANT to feel like a caretaker, so you continue overdoing…then you feel like he’s just taking advantage of you because he’s “letting” you do everything–and you just want a break!

See how this escalates until you both just decide its best to go your separate ways?

As a dating coach and relationship expert, I am NOT anti-divorce. But I work with enough divorcees to know that the best situation is to build a relationship from the beginning that never gets to the point of needing divorce as the best option.

Creating a LASTING dynamic where you both get to thrive, looks like: TRUSTING HIM, letting him “lead” the pace of the relationship (like letting him ask you out!), opening the door to connection by SHOWING him you’re interested without going so far as to ask him out, and ATTRACTING the right guys into your orbit…

Ask for what you want

On a biological level, a man’s CORE NEED is to feel useful. Men feel the most bonded and excited to please women who carve out space for him to accomplish things. This can look like small, innocuous favors like helping you mount a tv, calling your favorite restaurant to make a reservation, or it can be big things like commitment!

Being the “chill girl” who acts like she doesn’t have needs does NOT attract the guy. In fact, this is the best way to make him lose his interest in you…

Believe it or not, GUYS LOVE OPINIONATED WOMEN. Men are attracted to women who know what they want and are bold in asking for it. And they MARRY the ladies who specifically ask their man for what they want and LET HIM DELIVER!

The key to his heart is not in low-cut dresses and being “low maintenance.” If you want to get a guy to think about you allll the time and want to be around you, you give him opportunities to serve you (obvi not in an entitled or abusive way) and then PRAISE HIM for how well he did.

This triggers a chemical response in him that he is the best man out there to protect and provide for you, and this makes him want to be with you forever…

If you struggle to LET him serve you in your relationship, it’s going to be much harder to convince them to stick around long-term.

Define your values + vision

Say this with me: MARRIAGE IS NOT THE END GOAL; MARRIAGE IS THE JUMPING OFF POINT!

Most singles get crazy tunnel vision and agonize over the idea that one day, they’ll get to that altar and then their problems will be solved. Right?

But the thing is, marriages fall apart all the time. And one of the biggest reasons I see is that couples drift apart when they never shared a vision to begin with. A great marriage doesn’t just happen because you found someone hot who treats his mother well. Your marriage will be what YOU MAKE IT. If you don’t know how to make it last, how to create something fulfilling and FUN, you’re not even going to want to stay in it long-term!

The couples that really thrive together are the ones who anchored into their values and began building their vision for life BEFORE meeting each other…and then bringing their visions together to create something even bigger and better…

Do you know what your core values are?
Do you have clarity around what kind of life you want to live forever?
Have you started living in alignment with your values AND your desired forever life yet?

I KNEW when I met my husband that we would be a good match together because we shared so many values, and when I shared my dreams for the future he started adding ideas and sharing his own similar goals!

As we dated, we had the opportunity to see each other build life together. By the time he proposed, I knew pretty well what our married life would look like because we were working together to hit our goals and live a full life. He introduced me to amazing food, and I showed him how much fun traveling would be.

And we BOTH, independently, had set the goal to one day own a private jet, lol. We’re still working on that one, but it’s nice to know that we are working towards it TOGETHER!

You come first

Yes, this is true in the bedroom, and it’s true in the relationship.

We’ve been taught, as women, that it’s NOBLE for us to sacrifice for our family and our man. We’re the ones who have had to choose between a career and parenting. Women are looked down on for working, AND we’re looked down on if “she’s just a stay-at-home-mom.”

And as natural caretakers, women WANT to pour into their homes and their relationship and their kids in a different way than men…(Which means it’s also incumbent on women to HAVE and ENFORCE boundaries, and to ask for what we need so that we can pour into our loved ones without guilt, shame, resentment, or burnout.)

By asking your man to help you out, to do many of things that YOU ARE PERFECTLY CAPABLE OF DOING YOURSELF, and by allowing him to show up for you so that you feel supported and like you’re giving from EXCESS rather than fatigue–you’ll feel better, your relationships will be better, your kids will be emotionally more regulated, and your husband will be happier, too!

It’s not selfish to put your needs first, as the woman, because you are biologically engineered to take care of your loved ones. You’re GOING TO take care of your man and your home and your kids. So let yourself be taken care of, too! MAYBEEE someone will take that and feel entitled and turn that into something selfish…but I think you, reading this right now, aren’t that person.

I’ve been helping singles find love for 5 years…

And in that time, I have seen relationships LAST and THRIVE. I have been with my husband for that same amount of time, and our relationship has only gotten better, year after year! And the reason is because we live in the dynamics that allow us to grow and be seen and loved independently AND together.

You get to have that, too.

I hope this article helps you get there:)

XO,
Liv

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