It’s Friday night and you’re sitting at home.
You are wondering what happened as you cry on the phone to the pizza delivery guy because he made the mistake of asking if there was anything else he could get you.
Things seemed to be going well the last few weeks. You were going out with someone that you felt like you really connected to. You laughed together and had really good conversations.
And now it’s been 8 days since you’ve even talked and all you can do to prevent yourself from staring incessantly at your phone is to distract yourself with all the food you ordered while sitting in your gym clothes because mentally you know that you don’t want to get fat but it really just seems inevitable at this point…*breathe*
So you send a risky text and then constantly refresh your Instagram to see if they have viewed the story of your Vasa selfie, or have posted a picture with the new person you are POSITIVE they are with now. If they are on Insta…they’ve seen the text.
So it’s time for a tedious dissection of all the things that could have gone wrong.
But the sad reality is: you’ve lost the game.
At this point, that’s probably fairly obvious to you. However, what may not be as obvious is the fact that you lost it a while ago.
You lose the game the moment you give someone the power to destroy your happiness–when they haven’t even proved that they want that control.
Because the key to winning the game is valuing yourself enough to let someone EARN a place in your life.
When you first meet someone that you’re into, you fall head over heels. Right?
You start dropping plans to see this dreamboat and inviting them to family dinner. H*ck, if you met them in your BYU business class, you’ve probably planned your entire wedding by date 3.
But the fact of the matter is that you probably don’t actually even know if you are completely compatible yet. (Not just because we all know Business majors have a reputation…)
And what’s worse is that you start dropping your own interests because you have this need to see this other person, when it’s those interests that caught their eye in the first place.
The problem isn’t in liking someone new. The problem is losing yourself just trying to get them to like you.
It’s okay to wait before you let them in.
Not to keep the “upper-hand,” but rather, they haven’t invested in you enough to let them see those parts of you.
Or ESPECIALLY to give up plans and hobbies or interests for them. Keep being you, and it will fuel that person’s attraction to you.
Remember that they aren’t your whole world (yet) so it will only make you more desirable to tell them you have other plans when you do. Keep making those plans and going to your clubs and hiking the Y.
That way they know they’ll have to make a real effort to be the one you make time for.