Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Attraction

Coronavirus Lockdown: How To Keep Dating From Home

Dating…it’s just good business, isn’t it?

“Silicone Slopes” has been the birthplace to several successful startups such as: Weave, Podium, Domo, 90% of Instagram Models, and every MLM scheme ever conceived.

And if you’ve lived there, you’ve probably met an entrepreneur or two. (Especially if you’ve ever been to the Belmont hot tub.)

It’s also the hotspot for dating options!

Or is it?

So what does business have to do with dating?

Well.

If you’ve ever spent Spring being pitched by every summer sales bro, you’ve probably felt it…

That overwhelming anxiety by HOW MANY lunches at Top Golf or promises of a free Jeep one BYU student can get.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

All that pressure leads to one word which encapsulates the paradigm of dating within The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints: options.

President David O. McKay said, “Next to the bestowal of life itself, the right to direct that life is God’s greatest gift to man.”

Agency is important. Choices are imperative. We choose how to live, what to be, and who to date.

Be honest: if you’re single, you’re probably spending the majority of your time focusing on the latter. You’re probably tired of Great-Aunt Carol asking you EVERY Thanksgiving when you’re finally going to settle down and bring someone home.

Or your mom keeps dropping not-so-subtle hints about wanting grandkids before she dies. (Or more likely, she’s just outright asking you for them since you turned 22.)

And you probably have dating app profiles on Tinder, Bumble, and Mutual.

All these apps connect you with hundreds of singles in a matter of moments. They feel like validation that you ARE trying to meet someone!

But is there such thing as TOO MANY options?

An update to at least a couple of the apps is that you can make your profile “global.” You can LITERALLY connect with singles all over the world in a matter of seconds. And that is pretty incredible. Technology is amazing!

Singles wards I’ve attended across the country, range from hundreds of singles to 10.

But I can almost guarantee you go to church on Sundays, (even if you’re in the Orem 22nd Ward with like 300 average showing up,) you’ve thought “there’s no one to date in my ward!”

In DC, the women outnumber the men in a couple of these wards 3:1, and the guys are still complaining that they don’t have anyone to date.

Why is that??

Sure, you may be one of those singles who believes that dating someone at Church is the equivalent to peeing in the pool, but out here, there are 11 wards just in the YSA stake. That is a LOT of singles.

So you jump on those aforementioned apps, swipe up on everyone, (and if you follow my Dating Profile Guide) you’re getting tons of matches!

Which may be your problem.

Even something as good as my guide can be used for evil…

The number of eligible people found on dating apps is problematic on its own, according to the psychological aspect of “too many options.” However, the fact that so many people aren’t being picky with their swipes is leading to too many peanut butter brands to choose from.

Do you see that parallel?

Researchers do.

In fact, Deseret News places Utah among the worst places to live if you’re single due to the high density of singles in the area.

Science agrees…

Barry Schwartz, psychologist and author of The Paradox of Choice, discusses in his book about the negative effect of having too many choices.

“Autonomy and Freedom of choice are critical to our well being, and choice is critical to freedom and autonomy. Nonetheless, though modern Americans have more choice than any group of people ever has before, and thus, presumably, more freedom and autonomy, we don’t seem to be benefiting from it psychologically.”— Ch.5, The Paradox of Choice

When a buyer sees 15 options for the same product, they are less likely to choose any of them. (Like if you go to the grocery store and see 15 different kinds of peanut butter.)

Having too many options will “overload” the consumer and discourage them from deciding between which product to buy. Or if they do make a choice, they’re more likely to be unhappy with their purchase.

On the other hand, if you’re at that mini Walmart off University Pkwy, and all you have to choose from is Jiff, Skippy, or organic, you are 10 times more likely to buy and be satisfied.

Did you catch that?

10 TIMES MORE LIKELY TO BUY AND BE SATISFIED WITH YOUR PURCHASE.

Where’s the balance?

Dating apps are a great avenue to meet someone. We are blessed to live in an age where it’s so easy to connect with people!

The power to make the apps work FOR YOU comes from being selective. Selective with you you swipe on, and then who you talk to!

When you match with someone, have a real conversation.

That means I want you to literally FaceTime or dial their number. Do NOT ask for their Snap. Do NOT message incessantly.

(wait. do people still use Snapchat?)

The point it–get a feel for your chemistry before deciding if you want to go on a date. Plus, you’ll know for sure that you aren’t getting catfished.

This will save you time, and it will filter through your options! That way, you can reach the right person faster.

You can learn if the conversation doesn’t flow in person as it does online. Better to figure it out over an awkward 5 minute phone call, rather than a marathon date!

Value your time and energy enough to filter people BEFORE you go out with them.

In fact, my advice to you is to go on fewer first dates.

Don’t match with as many people.

I’ve GIFTED you a checklist to a quality profile people want to match with! And you should use it as a baseline for what to look for.

Invest more in the dates you DO go on, and not only will you appreciate them more, but you’ll get a better ROI (“return on investment” for all you non-entrepreneurs.)

For best results: limit your own options.

Consciously choose good matches, and you’ll find yourself on fewer bad dates.

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