Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Self Love

Honesty is the Best Policy? Why You’re Falling for Fake Sincerity

In a day when we are all so hyper-focused on emphasizing the “fakeness” of social media lives and “finstas,” we have created this almost desperate need for authenticity in our connections.

Like there’s a void where sincerity ought to be.

Have you felt that?

What’s wild is that we are actually filling that void with a greater fraud: manipulative honesty.

After spending hours scrolling through posts and watching the likes on your own, you crave something real. And that’s why you keep rewarding a faux authentic conversations with an undeserved investment.

So what does manipulative honesty look like?

Imagine with me a conversation:


“Hey, you’re pretty great and I enjoy spending time with you! I’d like to do it more.”

“Yeah I totally feel the same way. I just need to be really honest with you though: I am dealing with a lot right now, and I really like to spend time with you, but I’m not ready for a relationship. Let’s just keep going out but not put a label on it.”


Maybe they even give you the specifics of WHAT they are dealing with.

This sharing of their most intimate insecurities or “baggage,” makes you feel connected to them. You actually feel special that they have opened up to you in this way!!

And you’re secure in knowing that if they were able to be with someone, it would be you.




This is the absolute biggest con you can fall for. Someone who wants to be with you, will be with you. They will deal with their ish in whatever way they need to, in order to keep you around.

They will make effort–not excuses.

This fake honesty about why they can’t be with you isn’t vulnerability, it’s not authenticity…it’s just them telling you that they aren’t going to be with you.

It’s not to say that they don’t really have these issues. In fact, they probably do.

What is inauthentic is that if they didn’t have these problems, that they would be with you. You’re falling for an excuse in place of a real connection.

Do you see how backwards that is?

You’re getting suckered in by the antithesis of what you’re looking for, because you don’t know how to find it. You need to identify the difference between real vulnerability and manipulative “honesty.”

The line is this: are they opening up to you to stop you from leaving, or to build a deeper connection?

THAT should determine whether or not you choose to continue to invest in them.

Even Instagram has realized the negative influence of fleeting interactions. Did you notice that likes are going away?

Insincere interactions on social media platforms are seeping out into our everyday lives. But you don’t have to let that happen!

When you base your feelings off of behavior, you’re going to naturally filter out inauthenticity. You’ll be more in control of your relationships as you fall for someone’s ability to take care of your needs. Anyone can tell you WHY they can’t date you…

But everyone won’t prove that they CAN.

It’s so so important to know when someone is sharing parts of their heart with you to get closer to you, rather than to manipulate you.

Are you ready to really live offline?

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