Obviously dating IS my job, (that’s the nature of being a dating coach.)
What you may not know, however, is why you need to be applying one KEY principle to both your work life and your dating efforts to achieve true success:
You can have money, accolades, and as many hunnies as there are BYU football fans that will tell you why they are morally superior to Utes fans, but if you don’t put value above everything else, you are NOT going to find lasting success.
I’m telling you this from personal experience.
Those who are close to me, know that I uprooted my entire life to move across the country for a job at a startup.
It was without a doubt, the riskiest move I’ve ever made…(outside of going to a foreign country with my ex and his entire family for a summer AFTER we broke up.)
I worked for approximately 3 weeks before I realized that this company didn’t value me.
How do you feel going into a job day after day, where you know they aren’t paying you what you’re worth, they mistreat you, or you’re not doing what brings you fulfillment?
It drains you.
Your recognized value diminishes because an outside source is telling you that you’re unimportant, or that you aren’t doing enough.
And you’re letting it happen.
The same thing happens when you date someone that doesn’t value you enough to invest in you.
As long as you are allowing anyone or anything to dictate TO YOU what your worth is, you will never thrive long-term.
Which is why I left my job.
Less than a month into it, I made a choice that I wouldn’t let a salary control me. I saw the same trap I had fallen into before, and I refused to become a victim.
There was a period in my life where I was simultaneously working in an abusive environment, while in a toxic relationship.
And I stayed in both circumstances because I lost the confidence in myself to walk away.
I believed that I was lucky to be making that amount of money, and holding the position I was in, so I deserved to be constantly berated. (As if a dollar amount justified terrible treatment, being overworked, and ethical misconduct.)
What made it worse, was that I was also being undermined mentally and manipulated emotionally by someone who tried to use love as leverage to lord over me.
Heavy, I know.
But it’s important to note because it wasn’t until I was brought to my lowest low before I learned to love myself independent of what external voices were telling me.
I had to discover on my own WHY I was worth loving and what my value is actually determined by.
*HINT*: it isn’t a monetary amount.
That journey has given me the most liberating feeling in the world. I am so in love with the love I have for myself, that I refuse to accept anything that can or will devalue me.
Whether that is work, dating, or anything else–I’m so much more than what I have accepted.
As humans, sometimes we make ourselves small, in a fear of failure, rejection, or even our own greatness. We try to fit ourselves into boxes that society or the people we’re surrounded by put us in.
Is that where acceptance resides?
All we are ultimately worth is our ability to be accepted by our peers?
That’s the greatest recipe for mediocrity you could ever concoct.
So I’ll say it again for the kids in the back: SUCCESS IS ACHIEVED WHEN WE VALUE OURSELVES AT OUR TRUE POTENTIAL.
For me, that means leaving situations that set limitations short of what I’ve set for myself. I’ve come too far on this journey of self-love to give it up for a job or a relationship.
That very mindset has lead to so many more opportunities and success in every aspect of my life than I ever got by desperately clinging to people/situations that have to break me down to build them up.
I never want to fit in by living smaller.
Which is not to say you have to go out and quit your job or break up with your current partner.
If you are happy in your current situations, and you genuinely feel as though you’re being treated the way you like to be treated, then I’m happy for you. You’ve already found what I’m still working on.
If you view dating negatively, you’re insecure in your current romantic or work situation, or you’re just generally searching for self-love, I have been developing a program for you. It’s designed to give you the tools necessary to understand your intrinsic value.
The program is called Becoming Your Best Option because it starts with you.
Life is hard. Cr*p happens. People hurt each other and we experience tragedy. We lose our jobs…we make mistakes. Pain is inevitable.
So why not limit it is much as possible?
One of the most common mindsets that single people get trapped in, is that “there aren’t any good ones left. The only people that ask you out are d*uche-canoes. You just attract jerks.”
Guess what–that’s true.
You DO attract those types of people, and they do, more than likely, ask you out.
Unfortunately, it’s not unique to just you.
EVERYONE who dates will inevitably get attention from someone who has bad intentions. That’s the nature of these “predators.” They’ll go after anyone they think they can overpower.
These people are full of self-loathing. And if you are as well, you’ll choose to date them.
OR, you can identify them when they come along, and choose not to give them your attention.
You are never obligated to go out with anyone. No one “deserves” a first date. If your gut is telling you to stay away from someone, LISTEN TO THAT INTUITION.
My head was screaming at me to not give the aforementioned relationship my energy. I ignored so many red flags, and all my instincts to date that person. I knew that I shouldn’t. But I justified it in my head because I was charmed and feeling insecure at the time.
And for a while, it ruined me. I let someone else convince me to give my heart away, despite my better judgment.
These people are always going to be around. But I will never choose to let that type of person in my life again.
Because I don’t have to. Neither do you.
Genuinely good people are likewise, always going to be around. And they will also be among those who ask you out. Watch for them.
Choose the good.
The less you accept poor treatment, the less you’ll have it. Filter through those who give you attention, and embrace the good! Reject bad behavior early and often, and you’ll be amazed at how much better you’ll view dating.
Being picky about who you spend your time with, (especially on dates,) will produce better quality dates!
Quantity in dating does NOT equate success. My online program: Becoming Your Best Option, is designed to teach you the identifiers to have better experiences.
As you nurture value over interest, you’ll grow a more positive attitude about dating–which will attract like-minded people to you.
And suddenly, dating is fun again! You’re not inclined to go on dates with people who are unkind to you, because you cherish being valued.
Once you learn that you don’t need a ton of options–just one good one–you’ll stop wasting your time on mediocre.
THAT is how you flourish. There is where you find true success.
I left my job for love. Self-love.
What is that worth to you?