Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Self Love

Becoming The Feminine Girlie

If you don’t follow me on social media, I’ve been talking a lot about feminine VS masculine energy and becoming the feminine girlie (if your default is masculine!)

Why/how you need to create space for BOTH within you is the way to have a healthy, thriving relationship.

Most of the women in my audience operate predominantly in their masculine energy. And while the reasons for that could be a post of their own (honestly that I probably will write,) if you want a relationship that not only stands the test of time, but also ELEVATES you to new heights and transcends monotony–you need to learn how to LEAD with your feminine energy. Your inner feminine is what allures and captivates a healthy masculine man!

If you’re a high powered woman, and you feel like you ONLY attract men who don’t act masculine enough, this article is for you…

Nature always corrects itself.

It requires polarity.

Which is why, if you are “stuck” leading with your masculine energy, the natural law will draw to you a man who leads with his FEMININE. And sometimes, that can feel nice for a while. But more often than not, women are turned off by this dynamic.

And it makes sense, since it frankly goes against nature. There’s a reason women are referred to as feminine and men are referred to as masculine. While all human possess both energies, your default, as a woman, is feminine. Even if you primarily operate in the masculine, your BIOLOGY is feminine.

Feminine: defined

The feminine is about RECEIVING. It’s about being taken care of and nurturing. It’s trust and vulnerability. When you create space for your feminine, you allow yourself to rely on others so that you feel supported and “full” to then pour into others. For whatever reason, women in 2024 have been sold the absolute LIE that you are powerful when you’re an island. Women are praised for “not needing” a man…or anyone else.

We demand SAHMs to be superheros and look down on any that hire nannies because “she should be raising her kids herself.”

We give working moms a meager 10 weeks to recover from pushing a HUMAN BEING out of their bodies, adjust to a complete life-altering situation, and then expect them to go back to the office as if nothing is different–without even offering the same courtesy (on average) to the husbands whose lives are also totally changed. So she doesn’t even get to have the full support of HER HUSBAND to stay home with her while she recovers. (Let alone the army she DESERVES to be surrounded by as she recovers and learns how to connect with her new baby.)

But as a woman, you are designed to be taken care of.

Your innate biological nature is to create, receive, flow, and play. You weren’t meant for rigid 24-hour social schedules. You are here to transform each month into different shades of yourself, and let each phase shine in its own right. This is why you have a cycle, why only women are biologically capable of bearing children, and it’s why you have a vagina. I’m not trying to be crass, but it’s beautifully symbolic.

And of COURSE, you have masculine energy that has it’s own place and time–more on that in another post.

But if you want a masculine man, you need to learn to let yourself be taken care of. At least, emotionally.

Providing does NOT equate money

Society has stripped men and their roles down to making money. And since now women are able to make their own money–and killing it–there’s a very flawed notion that now, men are obsolete. But money has ONLY been equated with providing and men for the last couple hundred or so years.

And the idea that women no longer need men because they can financially take care of themselves and own property is quite literally an insane notion.

And while it doesn’t actually matter what financial position any woman wants to step into, what does matter is valuing money OVER emotional safety. All the money in the world won’t make you feel seen and cherished as an imperfect, vulnerable human. Men have a way of offering this acceptance and appreciation for the naked self (speaking mostly metaphorically) that isn’t found anywhere else in such a critical society.

Think about when your girlfriends tell you you’re beautiful. You only believe them if you’re already feeling good.

But when you are your most vulnerable–sick in bed, or just have just woken up in the morning–and the man you love most in the world says you’re beautiful…it’s the most disarming, heart-melting comment you’ve ever heard. And I don’t care how “ugly” you think you are, when you hear that in that moment when you feel your ugliest, you believe it.

Which of course, is NOT to say that men give you your confidence. That’s neither their job, nor are they capable of GIVING that to you. But the SUPPORT they give you while you heal pieces of yourself that you’ve long since hidden away is unparalleled.

Men give you an emotional safe space that just can’t be found outside of a committed, loving relationship with a HEALTHY masculine husband.

Becoming the feminine girlie

At your core, you are a CREATOR.

And just like when you have writers block or you can’t make progress on that work project–the creativity needs to feel SAFE to thrive. This is why stress throws off your cycle. And tell me: what is MORE stressful than taking on everything yourself and not allowing yourself to rely on anyone else?

Letting men into your life (and HEART), allowing them to show you whether or not they can provide for you in the ways that help you thrive, comes down to whether or not you can LEAD with your feminine in dating. This looks like flirting with him to let him know you’re available, to give him the opportunity to ask you out. (Asking HIM out is heavy masculine energy and will be a turn off to masculine men!)

It also looks like actively CREATING space for him in your life. Asking him for favors, or to help you with things around your house. Calling him when you’re in need. Letting yourself be soft and adored by your man.

Becoming the feminine girlie means knowing that you GET to be supported, and that it actually brings a masculine man in closer when you give him opportunities to feel useful and like a leader in the relationship.

If you’re a fan of the show: Gilmore Girls, Lorelai is actually written brilliantly as a strong/independent woman who leads with her feminine in dating. Specifically, her connection with Luke is so compelling, because she is constantly ASKING him to come into her life and help her, including asking him to invest in her Inn, without becoming overly dependent on him or demanding him to out-earn her.

She asks him to fix her shoe in the 24 Hour Dance Marathon, and for frequent (usually small) favors that she reciprocates with so much warmth and flirting! Amy Sherman-Palladino (the writer and creator of the show) really nailed what it means to be a modern, successful woman who ALSO gets the guy.

Leading with your masculine will attract FEMININE men

If you are wildly successful in this society, it’s very likely because you operate predominantly in your masculine energy. And again, there IS space in your life to thrive in your masculine–but not when it comes to dating.

I’ve been chatting with high-powered women here in NYC, and they are SHOCKED that in one of the richest cities in the entire world, the men aren’t picking up the bill. They’re asking these women out, ordering expensive steaks and wines, and then asking the waiter to split the check…right down the middle.

And let me tell you: these NYC women are pissed.

But my theory about why this keeps happening, is that these women just don’t know how to lead with their feminine. So they’re not getting pursued by highly masculine men who WANT to take on that provider/protector/leader role. Instead, these boss babe women are so entrenched in their own masculine energy that they’re actually *repelling* masculine men. Like I said earlier, nature will ALWAYS find a balance.

If you are leading with your masculine in dating, you will literally not be compatible with a masculine man.

Is this making sense?

Here are some signs you aren’t leading with your feminine in dating:

  1. You don’t take compliments — especially from men — if they aren’t about YOUR WORK. Meaning, you’ll take praise for work you did on a case/project or what you created for a client, but you struggle to graciously accept compliments about you, as a person.
  2. You’re controlling…everything. You don’t wait for him to make a move (probably because you don’t know how to let him know you’re available without doing it all yourself,) and you burn yourself out.
  3. You REFUSE to ask for help. You don’t let him see you in any sort of distress, and you avoid asking him for anything because you don’t want to “depend” on him.
  4. You don’t have boundaries in dating. You either jump in WAY too fast, or you completely shut him out from getting close. This will often look like self-abandonment, people-pleasing, or being stone cold.
  5. You don’t get asked out. You put out the vibes like you’re “too intimidating” and that’s probably even the story your girlfriends tell you to make you feel better–but the reality is that men aren’t asking you out because they don’t see that they have a chance of being depended on by you. If you’re hiding behind a wall of “I don’t need a man,” it’s like wearing a big neon sign that tells men to stay as far away from you as possible.

Girl, you set the stage for your relationship. While yes, you’re trusting him to “take the lead” and make the first moves and be a provider, you actually determine the dynamic of your relationship.

Maybe that’s unfair to men, (#sorrynotsorry I didn’t make the rules, I just explain them to you) but truly YOU are the magnet.

If you lead with masculinity, you’ll draw in feminine (or INSECURE MASCULINE) men. If you’re leading with your feminine in dating, you’ll draw in healthy masculine men who want to take care of you, and build a beautiful life together.

How to get started?

I wrote a free, PERSONAL BRANDING + FEMININE STYLING GUIDE to lead you to your inner feminine. It’ll walk you through how to craft your own personal style to show the world (and the men) what kind of woman you choose to be…

 

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