Liv Talley | NYC's Premier Dating Coach and LOVE QUEEN

Self Love

Are You Better Off Alone?

Hi babe–

Each time things don’t work out with the new cutie you had that great first date, after every breakup, and frequently while swiping, I’m willing to bet you think or utter the phrase: “well I’m just better off alone.” Right? And in a lot of dynamics–you’re absolutely spot on.

You ARE better off alone than with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you, or who wants to control you.

But is alone best?

You already know the answer, but I want you to say it out loud to yourself: LIFE IS BETTER SHARED WITH THE RIGHT PERSON.

Seeking solitude in place of inviting the right types of people to join you on the journey of life is a defense mechanism. And if I may be bold, it’s also cowardly. You’re running from intimacy, vulnerability, and yourself. When you operate under the guise of being “better off alone,” you are sabotaging yourself. In fact, you’re actively rejecting yourself.

That’s correct–when you get burned again and again and your default response is: “see?! I was right again! I am destined to be alone!” it IS a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your experiences will *always* reflect your inner dialogue. (The stories you tell to yourself about how dating goes.)

So when you say that you’re better off alone, you’ll ATTRACT the wrong types of people to affirm that you are, in fact, better off alone. You’ll draw in the creeps, the misaligned, the people who don’t care to treat you well so that your “story” can be validated. That’s quite literally how your brain works.

But just because you are validating and untrue thought, doesn’t make it true. Yes, there are some things that are better by yourself–like I prefer my morning gym time and hot girl walks with Abraham Hicks in my earphones–but developing my business, celebrating wins, reaching milestones, moving through problems, and reinventing myself has been significantly more fun (and effective) since I got married.

Even the difference in all of those things within marriage vs when we were dating is significant.

The level of trust I have with my husband is reflected back to me in myself, and vice versa. For example, when we left for Ireland together in August, I had some family drama “blow up.” Normally, I would shut down, cry, and sweep it under the rug. But because I’ve been sharing and moving through hard things with my husband for YEARS, I was able to open up immediately to process out loud with him. And because he knows my family, he can give third-party opinions and outside perspective. It’s SO different than when we were first dating. It’s easier to work through. Better.

The same is true for celebrations! In our marriage, the celebrations are bigger, more intimate, and meaningful. Celebrating myself is fun…but celebrating WITH the one person in the world who wants me to succeed more than anyone else is another level. It’s exhilarating! And it’s even more motivating to have “us” goals, (in addition to “me” goals–which I still have!) When I set high goals, I looove to imagine what I’ll buy for myself…AND the weekend I’ll have with my husband. Usually, we plan to stay at a new, fabulous, 5-star hotel and have an incredible dinner.

Our wins compound and build on each other.

When you’re single (or even in a committed relationship,) you can easily share wins with the people in your life. You can share them with your boyfriend/girlfriend but it’s not quite the same as sharing them with a spouse. With a companion that you’re actually married to, the wins are both independent AND together because you’re building life with them in a way you aren’t fully before marriage.

For example, I have consistently set some wild income goals for myself–ever since I was single. And I accomplished some of them!

But what I’m ABLE to achieve *because* I’m sharing it with my husband is so far beyond what I ever achieved alone. When I aim high, it’s for US. It’s for our future family and our kids–and that’s a whole different motivator. Not to mention how much easier it is to believe in myself when I KNOW my husband is cheering me on. And when I know hitting milestones improves both our lives, I am more willing to let go of my own upper limits to step into more.

Aiming for $10,000/month from my business for myself to buy designer and travel and shop is one thing…

Aiming for $100,000/mo so we can live in a penthouse, send our kids to private school, hire a birth coach/doula/midwife to give my baby (and myself) the best possible birthing experience–or supporting my husband when he wanted to quit his job and start his own hedge fund–is a whole new motivator entirely.

Being able to employ multiple family members, and seeing people close to me transform their own lives by aspiring to more is indescribable. And it’s all made possible through divine partnership…

Which brings me to my final point: sex transmutation.

“Like it or not, this world is all about desire. Desire for riches and abundance. Desire for peace. Desire for health. Desire for the perfect mate. And, yes, the desire for sex, which is our most powerful desire.

Napoleon Hill put it this way:

‘When driven by this desire, men develop keenness of imagination, courage, will-power, persistence, and creative ability unknown to them at other times.’

The desire or urge for sexual expression is natural and inborn and it should not be suppressed or eliminated. Instead, it should be given an additional beneficial outlet.

Sex transmutation is re-directing the mind from thoughts of physical expression to thoughts of another creative effort. According to Hill, doing this has the potential to…

Transform mediocrity into genius

And that’s what sexual energy or desire has to do with getting rich and manifesting your dreams.

The thought of sex is a powerful stimulant for our mind. It keys up our enthusiasm, creative imagination, and creates an intense desire.

Do you know what else stimulates the mind to nearly the same degree?

A burning desire for something, such as fame, power, or money.

‘When harnessed and redirected along other lines, this motivating force [sex] maintains all of its attributes of keenness of imagination, courage, etc. which may be used as powerful creative forces in literature, art, or in any other profession or calling, including, of course, the accumulation of riches.’ – Napoleon Hill.” (Demystifying Sex Transmutation)

Here’s what no one talks about: sex is sacred. I mean, okay if you have any sort of religious background you’ve probably heard that before. But has anyone ever broken down WHY it is?

Sex is a sacred act because of the POWER that exists within it. Yes, pleasure is nice. But it’s about so so much more than that! It’s about unlocking the infinite nature of your soul…which requires absolute trust with another who is also vulnerably coming to you to be seen, held, and opened.

This is also why sex IS different with your spouse than in a relationship or with someone casual. 

Inside marriage, it’s a force of creation. It’s a source of sacred expansion. And it’s key in bringing you to higher levels of BEING. It has absolutely contributed to ascending higher and higher on a regular basis for myself, my husband, and other power couples I know. It’s kind of hard to describe, but when you experience it, you know.

The bottom line…

Confidence and self-worth, wins/successes/hard times, and sex are ALL better when you’re married. So are you really better off alone? Are you happy being maxed out on the above?

There’s only so far you’ll BE ABLE to go by yourself. Single, or even a long-term relationship without that deeper commitment reaches a point of diminishing returns. But when you’re with the right companion and building the best possible marriage for yourself, the limit does not exist.

That’s your divine RIGHT: to have eternal expansion is your purpose as a soul that possesses creative power.

And your first step to having that eternal expansion?

CHANGE THE STORY YOU TELL. Start speaking life to what you want. Let go of what’s been so you can create space for more. And if you need support doing it, I have a waitlist you can apply to right now!

I love you. I want the best for you. And the *right* marriage is the best thing you’ll ever have.

Please feel free to email me with any questions: livtalley@thesealeddeal.com

Xo,
Liv

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